The London Eye, my future.

My biggest struggle with anxiety is the constant 'What if' questions, the daily struggle of living with uncertainty, feeling like I need to know what is going to happen, about everything. I doubt many people will actually understand how it feels to go through this frustrating process day in day out to such an extent. I also bet they won't understand how hard I try to not do it. But it happens, it is me... So we just move on. Or do we?

My mind is the London Eye, it is constantly going round in a circle, a viscous circle. 'What if this happens, what if this doesn't happen, what if someone says this, what if I don't do well, what if no one likes me, what if I don't become successful, what if there's no way out. Why can't I know what is going to happen this week, this month, this year, in 10 years, why can't people tell me there plans, why don't people make plans!?' (You get the idea?) This cycle is one that needs to be broken. I need to break one of the joins in the structure, to stop myself from NEEDING to know everything about the future. Sometimes I wish I could just 'go with the flow' seems like it would be an easier slightly more stress free life. 

All I want for my future, is like everyone else, to be happy and successful. I want to be able to change myself back to the old 'me' so that I can begin to enjoy activities, get a job, feel worth, have independence and to also be able to support my partner in his choices. I want to break this London Eye.

My main reason for getting better, is my boyfriend. 

“Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”  Kahlil Gibran