I cannot remember where I found this picture, but when I did I felt it was a perfect way to say how I feel a lot of the time.
From an unknown source, likely a Facebook page?
Friday 31 January 2014
The tree, the berries and the bird...
A tree, with red berries and a chirping robin. Imagine it.
I was awake at 3AM this morning and found myself quickly typing out this idea on my iPhone 'notes.'
It all starts off with a tree, full of lush green leaves, and bright red berries. Along comes a bird and eats some of the berries. But theres always a few that just get left to shrivel up and die.
To me this all connected to my thoughts (strangely). The tree was my head, the berries are my thoughts, emotions and worries and the bird is like a friend or technique. Let me explain my mad and crazy idea clearer...I can imagine you're all thinking get her to the mental hospital! But you'll see.
The berries are all on this tree, all growing and blooming, as are my thoughts, emotions and worries. They grow and grow, become more attached to me. Like a berry on a tree. But sometimes, these berries get blown off, or even pulled off to eat by the bird. This is like when you have a close friend to talk to, a counsellor or even a technique to blow away the thought or emotion and stop it from attaching to you further. There are however, some berries that get missed and left. These berries continue to grow, they can become a problem, as they finally take there toll and die away. However, by just dying away they are also making room for new berries, new emotions to grow. Somehow, we have to get the bird to eat these berries, or make the wind blow strong enough to let them become unattached. No one person has the same type of berries, not even the same amount. No one person can predict exactly what berries will go and which will stay. No one person has the same type of bird, some people can allow there bird to take more berries than others. Some people can grow and lose there berries much quicker? Who knows?
I personally don't think you can choose which 'berries' the bird decides to take? It's just luck, and perhaps the fact that some berries are easier to shift through the bird than others.
I was awake at 3AM this morning and found myself quickly typing out this idea on my iPhone 'notes.'
It all starts off with a tree, full of lush green leaves, and bright red berries. Along comes a bird and eats some of the berries. But theres always a few that just get left to shrivel up and die.
To me this all connected to my thoughts (strangely). The tree was my head, the berries are my thoughts, emotions and worries and the bird is like a friend or technique. Let me explain my mad and crazy idea clearer...I can imagine you're all thinking get her to the mental hospital! But you'll see.
The berries are all on this tree, all growing and blooming, as are my thoughts, emotions and worries. They grow and grow, become more attached to me. Like a berry on a tree. But sometimes, these berries get blown off, or even pulled off to eat by the bird. This is like when you have a close friend to talk to, a counsellor or even a technique to blow away the thought or emotion and stop it from attaching to you further. There are however, some berries that get missed and left. These berries continue to grow, they can become a problem, as they finally take there toll and die away. However, by just dying away they are also making room for new berries, new emotions to grow. Somehow, we have to get the bird to eat these berries, or make the wind blow strong enough to let them become unattached. No one person has the same type of berries, not even the same amount. No one person can predict exactly what berries will go and which will stay. No one person has the same type of bird, some people can allow there bird to take more berries than others. Some people can grow and lose there berries much quicker? Who knows?
I personally don't think you can choose which 'berries' the bird decides to take? It's just luck, and perhaps the fact that some berries are easier to shift through the bird than others.
My bird, last winter. Taken by me.
Doomed
Found this picture, massively irrelevant but a good laugh? I think I'd probably be the one in the middle who is crying it's head off... Just a bit of my (weird) sense of humour here.
Thursday 30 January 2014
The job, that did beat me. But only once.
It all seemed to creep up on me, the anxiety over years it grew. I'd been aware of a problem, but it become very apparent, very quickly as soon as I got a job.
I had completed my college course, which I loved, and was due to move (again, I must add I have moved around 13 times) I wanted to try and get a career working with animals, as it was something I'd always wanted. However, I knew in reality that wasn't going to happen straight away. So I got myself a temporary job, woohoo I thought, money, a bit of freedom, meeting new people, I was fairly excited about having my first paid job. But I couldn't ever have expected what was going to come next...
I impressed the managers and worked hard, kind of enjoyed the work, strangely and while I was there it was fine. Only after I had finished did the problems and thoughts begin to flood my head. 'I can't go back' 'I hate it there' 'I'm no good' 'I can't do this or that or this' 'I don't fit in' 'This isn't at all for me'. One morning after working there for only about 3 weeks, I woke up and had an early shift, 7AM start. I hadn't slept the previous night and felt awful. I decided to call in sick, afterwards I was SICK. The emotions going through my head were going crazy, I felt dizzy, my stomach was churning, I was trembling. I knew everyone thought I was being ridiculous but I couldn't go back. I couldn't face it, I couldn't see me wanting to live while I was there. To this day I still don't know why I reacted this way. My anxiety just cracked me.
And from that day on, I have lived by 'Depression/Anxiety is like an egg, it can be beaten!
Is this the start, the end or just the middle?
So this is my first blog post! I don't really expect this to go anywhere, I don't expect many people to bother to read, but hey, you never really know what could happen. Why did I want to start a blog? Good question - I wanted to be able to speak out about mental health. I want to be able to raise awareness and hopefully encourage other people to have the strength to speak out. Because I know from experience, that it is bloody difficult!
Mental health effects around 1 in 10 people, it is a topic that no one seems to find easy to face and talk about. But it can be treated, therefore seeking help, advice and treatment is important! No one should be left feeling like they are worthless and have no hope of overcoming their problems.
So what's my problems I bet your all thinking? My problems have been around for a while now, the more I look into it the more I realise I've always been 'different.' I suffer from anxiety and depression, although for me it is my anxiety that makes life hell.
I kept all this inside for many years, I let it chew away at me and get worse, I was embarrassed of what people would think, would I be labelled? Was I just being pathetic? Would it make things worse for me? Did people already notice that I wasn't normal? Until one morning, very recently, I just cracked and was physically sick. I then realised I needed to be open with those close to me. Letting someone in is never easy, it's not going to be. But it certainly helps and you must know your not alone.
I went to my GP and she talked me through some options, I went to a self referral centre where I received CBT, I saw another counsellor too. But then I gave up, because I stupidly thought I knew better. I went pretty much back to square one. A massive, massive mistake on my behalf. It could have cost me my relationship, although thankfully I have an amazing and supportive boyfriend. It could have cost me everything!
The most important thing is being able to admit you have a problem, that's the biggest part.
Nowadays I try telling myself - 'You can do it, deep down you know that.'
Mental health effects around 1 in 10 people, it is a topic that no one seems to find easy to face and talk about. But it can be treated, therefore seeking help, advice and treatment is important! No one should be left feeling like they are worthless and have no hope of overcoming their problems.
So what's my problems I bet your all thinking? My problems have been around for a while now, the more I look into it the more I realise I've always been 'different.' I suffer from anxiety and depression, although for me it is my anxiety that makes life hell.
I kept all this inside for many years, I let it chew away at me and get worse, I was embarrassed of what people would think, would I be labelled? Was I just being pathetic? Would it make things worse for me? Did people already notice that I wasn't normal? Until one morning, very recently, I just cracked and was physically sick. I then realised I needed to be open with those close to me. Letting someone in is never easy, it's not going to be. But it certainly helps and you must know your not alone.
I went to my GP and she talked me through some options, I went to a self referral centre where I received CBT, I saw another counsellor too. But then I gave up, because I stupidly thought I knew better. I went pretty much back to square one. A massive, massive mistake on my behalf. It could have cost me my relationship, although thankfully I have an amazing and supportive boyfriend. It could have cost me everything!
The most important thing is being able to admit you have a problem, that's the biggest part.
Nowadays I try telling myself - 'You can do it, deep down you know that.'
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